How can I improve my self-esteem?

Dear feeling blue,  

Thank you for sharing your experience with low self-esteem. Comparing yourself to others is a common habit, but constant comparison often changes your reality and can impact your self-worth. However, your feelings don’t have to stay “blue” forever. There are practical steps you can take to lift yourself up. Read on to learn more about self-esteem, confronting negative thinking, and practicing self-compassion.  

What does it mean to have low self-esteem?  

Self-esteem is how you see your personal value and worth. It’s like self-respect. Someone with low self-esteem may not have confidence in their abilities and attributes. Low self-esteem can lead to:  

• Focusing on your weaknesses  
• Believing others are better than you  
• Feeling unmotivated to do certain tasks 
• Frequently experiencing fear and worry 
• Having trouble saying no and setting boundaries 

List adapted from Verywell Mind  

Keep in mind that self-esteem is often the lowest in childhood and increases during adolescence and adulthood, until reaching a stable level. So, as you get older, your self-esteem may rise on its own based on what you’ve learned from different life experiences.  

What influences your self-esteem?  

There are several factors that influence a person’s self-esteem. On college campuses, for example, students are often graded and rewarded for their achievements. Constant grading may lower self-esteem if people always tie their worth to a letter or number.  

Another factor is social media. It emphasizes how many likes or followers someone has and often highlights happy, curated content. Comparing yourself to someone’s “perfect” post can negatively affect your self-esteem.  

When you’re “feeling blue,” it can help to reflect on what people, situations, or environments may be contributing to your low self-esteem. You could try asking yourself these questions:  

• Have you been feeling this way for a long time or more recently?  
• Can you think of people in your life who make you feel better or worse about yourself? 
• Are there specific situations that deflate your self-esteem?  

Thinking about these questions can help you recognize who or what triggers your low self-esteem and clarify your emotions.  

What is self-compassion?  

When you show yourself compassion, you understand that something being hard or making a mistake is part of the learning process. Over time, actively working on self-compassion can help you improve your self-esteem.  

Some ways that you can actively practice self-compassion include:  

• Forgiving mistakes or weaknesses. Many people have an inner critic that’s quick to point out their errors. You can try identifying that inner critic and telling yourself, “This didn’t go as I’d hoped, and that’s ok. What can I learn from this?”  
• Limiting comparisons. When you notice you’re comparing yourself to others, try bringing yourself back to your own path. You can remind yourself that you’re allowed to grow at your own pace.  
• Treating yourself like a friend. When you find yourself having negative thoughts or seeing failure before you’ve even started, try talking to yourself like a friend. Use kind, gentle words to get back on track and accomplish your goal.  

List adapted from Healthline  

What steps can you take to improve your self-esteem?  

You can start by:  

• Challenging negative self-talk. When you have a harsh thought, pause and acknowledge it. From there, you can calmly ask yourself, “Is this actually true?” or “Would I talk to a friend this way?”  
• Building a support system. Try prioritizing spending time with people who make you feel good, like close friends or family. In that same vein, try stepping away from people who don’t make you feel good. 
• Increasing physical activity. Regular exercise releases endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that help relieve pain and improve mood. Incorporating exercise into your routine can help you regulate your emotions.  
• Decreasing social media use. Constantly seeing people’s posts, which often show only the positive parts of their lives, may lead you to think negatively about yourself in comparison. Consider setting designated times to take a social media break, like the hour before bed. 

This process of getting to know yourself and making slight changes to your routine may help you improve your self-esteem. If you need more support, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.  

Be gentle with yourself,